Baby Daddy Blues

Baby Daddy Blues 

Sis, guess who I ran into this weekend? 

My Baby DADDY! 

Girl. 

When I say me and this man have had a SEVERE love/hate relationship over the years. 

He was the cheater....the liar....the theft...the abuser....the-driving-my-car-while-I'm-at-work.....deadbeat father and I couldn't STAND HIM!!! 

For starters he's a city boy. 

A gun totting- Timberland boots wearing - bag chasing, with the beats and rims AND a gangster swag.  

But he wasn't one of them sketchy characters in the alley, he was FINE, Sis. 

Too FINE actually, with his hazel eyes and dimples. 

He loved fast money and fast women and he made sure he kept his fair share of both. 

And after enduring all his baby scandals, backyard fights, hoodrats pics on his phone and his staying-out-all-nights, girl, I....had.... had....ENOUGH. 

But Sis, do you know that even after I left this man, I STILL HATED him, for many, many years to come?! 

I know, it doesn't make sense right, or does IT?  

You see, I had not one, not two, but three of this man's children. 

And the truth is, I really-loved-me-some HIM! 

But what is also true is that, that I was a wrecking ball of a mess at the time I got with him. 

Yes, ME Sis. 

So perhaps the problem wasn't really him, perhaps, it was actually me... 

Why was I attracted to a Hot Boy off the block, when I was a woman destined for greatness? 

I know they say that opposites attract. 

But come on, Sis. 

Think about it. 

Why do beautiful, enterprising, amazing women struggle with loving the wrong men? 

And it was this revelation, 

That I really didn't understand back then, that almost DESTROYED both of us. 

Because hurt people, do hurt people, right?  

And you see, I was definitely hurting

And worse, I was PRETENDING that I was good, even though I was hiding all my painful wounds that were still fairly fresh and still VERY open. 

You see, I met him AFTER the rape....

AFTER being domestically abused by two other Psychos! 

AFTER my oldest kids were taken....

And AFTER I was already travelling 100 mph on my criminal highway to jail. 

And what I didn't understand was the Law of Attraction like I DO NOW.   

The Law of Attraction is simple: You attract who you are - so if you're a positive person, you'll attract positive people, but if you're a negative Nancy then you already know what to expect.  

But let's be clear... 

I'm not suggesting that he was jacked up just because I know I was at the time. 

But what I am suggesting, is that the same way I was wearing a mask- he was also wearing a MASK. 

Which means the Law of Attraction was still in effect. 

But you know what's funny about wearing masks? 

You can only wear them for so long, 

Then eventually the REAL us will and must come out. 

And boy! Were we both in for a rude awakening when both sides of the UGLY truth began to flood our home. 

So what does ALL this have to do with now? 

I'm glad you asked, my sister! 

Because this has to do with the power of God! 

You see, when I saw him this weekend, I got a revelation, because I saw something I didn't expect. 

I saw a man who is older now, and who has settled into a place of marriage now. (bonus)

One who is a grandfather now, and is grandparenting some of his grandchildren. (cool!) 

But I also saw the eyes of a man who is tired and weary in his soul, and who is STILL pretending to be good when he really is not. (not okay) 

And honestly, Ladies, this truth, actually broke my heart! 

Because even with all these years that have passed, (and it's been over 30 years now) 

I realized there are many of us who are still PRETENDING to be good. 

Instead of us actually working on BEING good, for real. 

I prayed for that man, Sis. 

I prayed that God would deliver him, so he can find rest in Christ for his weary soul. 

In Luke 6:27-38, the bible says, 

        "But I say unto you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." 

Do you know how I finally got over all the hate I carried for this man? 

But doing what this verse says. 

I was good to him, by not talking bad on him even though I 'heard' bout how bad him and his wife was talking bout me. 

I blessed him before his children, because they were OUR children, and I wanted them to honor both their parents.

And I prayed for him, many many many many many MANY MANY! (lol) times over the years for all the pain he caused me over those 10 years we were together.  

Don't you see, Sis? 

Only God can heal us from the HATE. 

And yes, he cheated, and has all the children today to prove that YES! 'He is the father! 

But I was perfect either, and eventually I cheated too, cuz we was BOTH a mess back then. 

Why hate when you can heal, Sis? 

And I thank God for my healing, and since He gave me so much grace, I must extend that grace to others. 

Including my Baby Daddy. 

Sis, please don't keep giving your Baby Daddy the blues for being who he is. 

Or for what he aint doing. 

AND definitely not for what he did in the past! 

Pray for him, Sis! 

And unlock your own healing, in Jesus name! 

Cuz the truth, you knew who that joker was when you met him, yes?

It's time to accept the truth, Sis, so we can do better moving forward, K? 

Because I'd rather walk in my healing and be able to extend a hand of grace because I am GOOD. 

Then to be like I used to be - someone who was always wearing a mask, and PRETENDING to be good. 

So what about you, Sis? 

Why hate when you can heal?