Do you recognize 'IT' when you see 'IT'
Hey Sis,
Did you know I have been married and divorced three times?
Yes, I said three!
And after all the shenanigans I have endured, I have officially crowned myself the QUEEN of Toxic Relationships.
My first marriage took place in 'secret' to a man who was on his second wife at the age of 25. (red flag #1)
My second marriage took place at a church where there were only 2 two other people there who were our witnesses, and the funny thing is, I didn't know either of them, and neither did he.
Also, I was marrying a man who was 15 years younger than I was, enough said? (red flag #2)
My final marriage took place at the courthouse to a man who I shacked with for 5 years, had drunken fights with daily, and had kicked out of my house at least 5 times.
He was wearing a borrowed suit that was 2 sizes too big, and he was hung over, from the night before. (red flag #3)
Funny thing....is when we are standing outdoors, you know 'IT' when you smell IT, right?
You don't have to see IT, or even be standing close to IT, and yet, the smell of it is so unmistakably deniable, that you already know what IT is, without a doubt.
So why didn't I recognize IT, when I saw IT?
In Isaiah 6:9 it says:
"Go , and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not, and see ye indeed, but perceive not."
And we don't always see what we should see...
What if I told you toxic relationships are exactly the same as 'IT'?
And we have the ability to smell it, even if we don't necessarily see it,
BUT!
It's what we DO about IT,
that determines our ability to successful walk around IT,
OR walk right toward IT and get caught... up.... in.... 'IT'!
I see, I used to blame ALL my husbands for the problems we had in our marriage.
They all lied,
They all cheated,
They were all drinkers
And they were all very disrespectful to me in one way or another.
But in order for ME to recognize the toxic IT
I had to do so from the lens of the right perspective.
Truth.
The bible says you reap what you sow, right?
So the truth was I was getting back EXACTLY what I was dishing out.
I was also being deceptive - pretending I was anything but broken...
I also cheated - after been cheated on, but still did IT
I was drinking as well....and was a very good drunk, I might add.
And after some time DISRESPECTFUL became my middle name
Why?
Because I was the IT, I was attracted to in each of them.
And since I didn't want to see IT in Me
I couldn't RECOGNIZE IT in them, either.
We met, it was great!
We jumped in the bed, it was great!
We moved in together, it was great!
But eventually the truth always comes out.
OR should I say the 'TOXIC' came out of each of us....
Then things weren't so great, anymore.
Sound familiar?
The truth is, people are WHO.... THEY...ARE.... when we meet them.
And so are WE!
Toxic relationships are formed when broken people PRETEND they are anything but TOXIC.
But just like 'IT', the foul stench of toxic is always in the air,
And we must be intentional in order to SEE the red flags.
If I had used my EYES, so I could SEE
The TRUTH would have told me that having a 'secret' marriage ceremony
would lead to 'secret' problems, and IT did.
The TRUTH would have told me, that I had no business marrying a man almost half my age,
because he would prove to be everything childish, and HE did.
And the TRUTH would have also told me, that marrying a drunk wouldn't make him stop drinking,
but instead IT would reveal the true nature in me, AND IT DID!
This is not rocket science, Ladies.
The bible says, 'and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free' John 8:32
So, it's time for some TRUTH medicine, Sis!
So we ALL can be set free, because
Some of us are still living in a CURRENT toxic relationship
With the 'Things will get Better' lie
But are they, Sis?
Recognize IT, when you see IT?
Some of us are ENTERTAINING toxic people by spending time
with others who have all the red flags:
The sirens,
The whistles
and the IT bells are ringing loudly in our ears!
Are you ignoring them, Sis?
Recognize IT, when you see IT?
And some of us, are still hurting from PAST toxic relationships,
From the lies, deceptions, and betrayals
And we just can't seem to let IT go.
And this is a HARD place, Sis.
Because until you let IT of go, you'll continue to carry IT
into ALL your new encounters.
The distrust and resentment...
The hurt and the pain...
And even the guilt and shame.
Which means people won't meet the REAL you
But rather the GUARDED, version of you
Someone who looks good on the outside but who is a fragile egg waiting to be cracked on the inside.
OR worse, someone who continues to spiral in and out of the same old toxic patterns
Again and again.
At least that's what happened to me.
Because I didn't recognize IT, when I saw IT!
Are you getting this?
Because Sis, I need you to know that even
When you CAN recognize IT, when you DO see IT
It doesn't mean getting out of IT or letting go of IT is easy.
But it MEANS this truth has the power to set you free!
And when you embrace TRUTH, and I promise you
You can get out of that toxic relationship, In the name of Jesus!
You can Heal from toxic wounds of the past, In the name of Jesus!
And you can be Delivered from your own toxic behaviors, IN the name of JESUS!
But your first step is to accept the TRUTH, Sis.
Do you see IT?
Because as long as you continue to rationalize, minimize, and justify YOUR behavior
Then that's the IT I'm talking about!
So what do you say, Sis...
Are you ready to come clean?
No more dressing IT up
No more covering IT up
No more dealing with IT
No more SETTLING in TOXIC.
Only YOU can change this.
And your change starts NOW!
But Do You recognize IT, when you see IT?
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